Joy in the Storms of Life

First, to everyone who has prayed for my niece Maria, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Two weeks before the surgery, a MIBG scan showed no sign of neuroblastoma anywhere else in Maria's body outside of the tumor. However, the scan indicated a malignant tumor. The doctors confirmed with my sister and her husband that the baby did have cancer, and that what was important would be the biopsy results. Not if there was cancer, but whether it was a low risk or high risk form of neuroblastoma, and if it was the high risk form, would they find a genetic link that would have far reaching implications for the rest of the family as well as Maria's prognosis.

I knew God could change the tumor. But would He? In spite of the test results, I asked for continued prayers that the tumor would be benign. I just could not get my brain around the possibility that God would bring Maria into the world so unexpectedly (My sister was taking birth control pills when Maria was conceived! With no mistakes about taking them!) then bring her safely into the world through a high risk and difficult pregnancy, only to take her back to Him again. I know it happens. But it was too hard to think about.

Four days after the surgery, the surgeon called to say that the pathology showed a 75% benign tumor with 25% percent low risk neuroblastoma nodules. Essentially, it was considered a benign tumor!!! The oncologist concurred and said that Maria would not need additional treatment, that there was no expectation of a recurrence of any cancer, and that all that they would do was follow her for the next few years for safety's sake.

Not long before last month I came across a question in a Bible study asking to me reflect on a time that God caused a real miracle in my life. I'm sure God works the miraculous in my life everyday. However, I really couldn't think of any outright miracle of the sort the study was referring to. Well, I can go back and re-answer that question, because I truly believe because of all the prayer being offered up on Maria's behalf, God intervened. There was no medical reason to expect this result. I know that God doesn't always say "YES" when we ask Him to intervene in this way. But this time He did. And I am so grateful, and I give Him ALL the glory. So does my sister and my brother-in-law.

I wish I could say the storm is over. But it's not. My mother is still terminally ill. There are very difficult dynamics involved with other extended family who are also involved with her care. There has been deceit, mistrust, manipulation, and accusations of all kinds. There is a lack of motivation on my mother's part to take care of the legal issues involved that will protect her when she can no longer care for herself and to see that her final wishes are respected and carried out.

By yesterday afternoon, I was having an emotional breakdown. The last few months have been like trying to get out of the ocean, and even though you are close to the shore, the waves keeping coming, knocking you down, taking your breath away, and stealing your strength. Have you ever gotten caught by a wave in knee deep water? You know you can stand, you know you are near dry land, but the wave keeps pulling you under the water and tossing you until you don't know if you are right-side-up or up-side-down. That's what I have felt like lately. And yesterday, I washed up on the beach, completely depleted, no strength, no breath.

And unfortunately, I knew I had to get back into the water again. I had to willingly go back into the storm. And as I sat quietly on my sofa, feeling like I was washed up on the beach and completely drained, something remarkable happened. I suddenly gained a complete sense of peace, resolve, and strength. I realized that some of the waves I was struggling with were my own fears that I let take control. I immediately dealt with some things that 5 minutes before I didn't not think I could do. And all the while, I said to my sisters that God would give me what I needed when I needed it to tackle what I couldn't just minutes before.

Now to some of you, this may not seem remarkable. We know as Christians that God can do this in our lives. He's done this for me before. But each time it happens, it still amazes me. In a moment, God changes everything. The situation didn't change, but everything in me changed. And while in that moment, I truly felt nothing but a feeling that someone else was moving me and speaking through me, now I feel complete joy that God blessed me that way. And especially because at the moment I was too wrapped up in my own emotions to take the time to ask Him for help.