I'm not ready!!!

Remember the movie, "While You Were Sleeping"? Well, I feel like I just woke up and realized the world kept going without me! January was spent recovering from an over scheduled November and December. In February, my sister and her family spent the entire month, from the 1st to the 28th, at my home while my niece Maria was being treated at CHOP. Also during that time, my mother was in the hospital and my daughter had foot surgery. Six days after my sister's family went home, my mother went back into the hospital and passed away 5 days later. Since then, it's been a whirlwind of all that goes along with the loss of my mother. And in there also was Mallory's spring musical, which I devoted the better part of a week to help with. (A bright spot in the month of March.)

So what happened to the winter? I'm not a fan of winter, but there are a few things about it that I like. What happened to snuggling up in front of the fire with cookies and hot tea? The nearly full cord of firewood in our backyard virtually untouched attests to a lack of fires in the fireplace. What happened to American Idol? I have no idea what's going on. I have 2 months of TV shows on the DVR unwatched (mercifully I did get caught up on Lost!) None of the projects I planned on doing over the winter got finished. A couple got started, but they still lay where I left them on January 31st. What happened to photographing the winter birds at the bird feeder and in the snow...I'll tell you what happened, I haven't filled the feeders in at least a month. So no birds!

Today I realized that in about a week it will be time to put out the hummingbird feeder. That means it's really spring. And that reminded me to take 10 minutes to go outside and fill up the regular bird feeders. Stepping into the backyard, the first thing I noticed was what a mess the flower and shrub beds are...some Master Gardener I am. I was so busy finishing my internship for the Master Gardener program in September and October that the fall yardwork never got done! I never got to the critical late winter and early spring work on the beds for obvious reasons. Then, with panic in my heart, I noticed that beneath all of the debris of last summer, new plants were coming up! And I said out loud, "No God, stop, I'm not ready for this yet!" Whether I'm ready or not, the hostas are coming up, so are the daylilies, shasta daisies, peonies, yarrow, and clematis. The hydrangeas are beginning to leaf out, and I see green fuzz on some of the trees.

After I went back in the house, I realized the absurdity of the statement, "No God, stop, I'm not ready for this yet!" Can you imagine what we would miss out on if God stopped every time we told Him we weren't ready? How many of us may never have stepped out in faith for a job, a relationship, parenthood, a dream, or anything like that if we had the option to tell God we weren't ready and that He had to stop for us? I think about the blessings I would have missed if I waited to feel "ready" for so many of the situations, experiences, ministries, etc. that God placed before me. Whether I'm finished with last fall's yard work or not, God's going to raise those plants out of the ground, even if I'm not ready. He's going to keep doing what He does, and it's up to me whether to go along with Him and enjoy the growth and the blossoms that come from a life cultivated by Him.