I don't know whether it's hormones, all of the stress going on around me, that 25 things list, reconnecting with people on Facebook...or a combination...but I am feeling very melancholy right now, and I've been thinking of things I miss, or don't miss, and more "lists" keeping running through my mind. So please indulge me as I send these thoughts out into the world.
(If you don't want to read the post, at least go to the end and watch the video.)
There's no great lesson in this other than it proves the wisdom of Solomon who wrote:
"To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1
(If you don't want to read the post, at least go to the end and watch the video.)
There's no great lesson in this other than it proves the wisdom of Solomon who wrote:
"To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1
Things I miss:
1. Living down the street from both of my grandmothers.
2. Going to the store around the corner and buying candy for a penny.
3. Living someplace small enough where you know almost everyone, and everyone knows you.
4. Catching lightning bugs.
5. Riding my bicycle at night in the summer and not having to be afraid.
6. Playing badminton and Frisbee in the backyard with my dad.
7. Sitting and talking with my mom while she put on her make-up.
8. Having my own real-live baby doll in the form of my sister who is 10 years younger than me.
9. Being able to ride my bicycle anywhere in town.
10. My senior year in high school.
11. The first summer Dave and I dated.
12. Writing letters back and forth with Dave while he was at school in Syracuse, NY and I was at school in New Jersey.
13. Weekend road trips Dave and I took before we had kids.
14. My babies' first smiles.
15. My babies from 6 to 18 months when they were soaking up the world in huge gulps!
16. Walking my babies in their strollers and discovering the world.
17. Halloweens with the DeStefano family.
18. Tucking the kids into bed at night...prayers, songs, making Mallory's Cabbage Patch Doll "Alana" pray and making up silly songs with Steven.
19. Steven bringing home pine cones and rocks for me. (I still have the pine cones.)
20. Mallory drawing me pictures. (I still have those too.)
21. Steven riding "shotgun" with me in the car and two of us singing songs together.
22. Mallory telling me she will always live with me...or next door at most!
23. Reading to my kids.
24. Dressing Mallory up in cute clothes and hair ribbons.
25. Youth group trips with Steven.
26. Game nights during our family vacations on Long Beach Island.
27. The time all four of us spend in the car together...rare...but it seems like old times.
Things I don't or won't miss:
1. Living someplace small enough where you know almost everyone, and everyone knows you. (Yes I know this was under things I miss...but it was both a blessing and a curse.)
2. Always being among those picked last for any game in gym class.
3. The summer after my freshman year in high school when I didn't have anyone to hang around with.
4. My parents getting a divorce.
5. Feeling different because my family was so different from everyone else's family.
6. Moving from the town I spent most of my growing up years right after I graduated high school.
7. My senior year in college. (And if I'm being honest, I don't miss my sophomore year either.)
8. Having my parents hate one another and trying to plan a wedding with all of that going on.
9. Not having my mother at my wedding.
10. Not having my mother with me when my children were born.
11. Potty Training. (My kids...I don't remember whether or not I liked being potty trained!)
12. The times my kids said, "I hate you." or "I don't want to live here." (Or when I can tell that's what they are thinking.)
13. Times that I failed my kids.
14. Living in a small condo for the 9 months our house was under construction.
15. Depression
16. Fighting with Mallory
17. Watching my son drive off in a car without me.
18. Not being able to keep my kids from being hurt, even at church.
19. I-pods in my kids ears in the car.
20. Watching my daughter having her heart broken.
21. Leaving Steven at college when I know he wanted to get back in the car and come home.
22. Watching my teenage kids make choices that hurt them, and knowing I can't do anything about it.
23. Regrets that I wished that they would grow up.
24. Hurting because they are grown up and I can never get the time I wished away back.
25. Feeling like I can't get "it" right.
26. Watching my kids struggle with their faith in God and their relationship with the church.
Things I enjoy now at this time in my life:
1. Not needing a babysitter.
2. Having time to do what I want to do, when I want to do it.
3. Watching Mallory on stage.
4. Watching Steven learning to be responsible for himself.
5. Going to the shore...alone.
6. Reading books all year, not just on vacation.
7. Feeling like I've grown as a person.
8. Growing flowers.
9. Feeding the birds.
10. Having time to write a blog.
11. Friends that I can depend on.
12. A great marriage.
13. Special times when the four of us are together.
14. Mallory still calls me "Mommy" sometimes.
15. Mallory and I have a relationship I wasn't sure we'd ever have.
16. Hugs from my son who is much bigger than I am now.
17. Talking about the future with Dave.
18. Seeing how well mannered and helpful and giving my children can be.
19. Watching my kids take satisfaction in a job well done.
20. Watching my kids accomplish things they want to, and things they didn't know that they could.
21. The moments I feel that I got at least some of "it" right.
22. Eating breakfast on the deck in the summer.
23. Hot tea and cookies in the winter.
24. Having a good relationship with all 3 of my parents.
25. Knowing that no matter how bad things have ever been, my parents, siblings, andI have stuck together.
26. Doing ministry work at my church.
27. I drive something other than a mini-van now.
28. Being sure of who God is.
29. Being sure that I belong to Him.
30. Knowing (sometimes) when to get out of the way and let God do His will.
31. That Steven and Mallory are very close.
Things I hope for and look forward to in the future:
1. Traveling with Dave.
2. Finding a new identity as something other than "full time mom."
3. The hope that someday I'll be able to "look back and laugh" and wonder why I was so worried.
4. Watching my own children parent their children, and hopefully have some wisdom to offer if and when they ask.
5. Continued spiritual growth.
6. Less house cleaning!
7. Not being held captive by my monthly cycle.
8. Not losing sleep waiting to hear a child come home when curfew is after my bedtime.
9. My 50th Wedding Anniversary.
10. Heaven
Please pause the playlist and take a few minutes to watch this video clip. This one of my favorite songs...Chris Rice, "Life Means So Much." I haven't been able to get the song for the playlist. But for this post it's a must have.
1. Living down the street from both of my grandmothers.
2. Going to the store around the corner and buying candy for a penny.
3. Living someplace small enough where you know almost everyone, and everyone knows you.
4. Catching lightning bugs.
5. Riding my bicycle at night in the summer and not having to be afraid.
6. Playing badminton and Frisbee in the backyard with my dad.
7. Sitting and talking with my mom while she put on her make-up.
8. Having my own real-live baby doll in the form of my sister who is 10 years younger than me.
9. Being able to ride my bicycle anywhere in town.
10. My senior year in high school.
11. The first summer Dave and I dated.
12. Writing letters back and forth with Dave while he was at school in Syracuse, NY and I was at school in New Jersey.
13. Weekend road trips Dave and I took before we had kids.
14. My babies' first smiles.
15. My babies from 6 to 18 months when they were soaking up the world in huge gulps!
16. Walking my babies in their strollers and discovering the world.
17. Halloweens with the DeStefano family.
18. Tucking the kids into bed at night...prayers, songs, making Mallory's Cabbage Patch Doll "Alana" pray and making up silly songs with Steven.
19. Steven bringing home pine cones and rocks for me. (I still have the pine cones.)
20. Mallory drawing me pictures. (I still have those too.)
21. Steven riding "shotgun" with me in the car and two of us singing songs together.
22. Mallory telling me she will always live with me...or next door at most!
23. Reading to my kids.
24. Dressing Mallory up in cute clothes and hair ribbons.
25. Youth group trips with Steven.
26. Game nights during our family vacations on Long Beach Island.
27. The time all four of us spend in the car together...rare...but it seems like old times.
Things I don't or won't miss:
1. Living someplace small enough where you know almost everyone, and everyone knows you. (Yes I know this was under things I miss...but it was both a blessing and a curse.)
2. Always being among those picked last for any game in gym class.
3. The summer after my freshman year in high school when I didn't have anyone to hang around with.
4. My parents getting a divorce.
5. Feeling different because my family was so different from everyone else's family.
6. Moving from the town I spent most of my growing up years right after I graduated high school.
7. My senior year in college. (And if I'm being honest, I don't miss my sophomore year either.)
8. Having my parents hate one another and trying to plan a wedding with all of that going on.
9. Not having my mother at my wedding.
10. Not having my mother with me when my children were born.
11. Potty Training. (My kids...I don't remember whether or not I liked being potty trained!)
12. The times my kids said, "I hate you." or "I don't want to live here." (Or when I can tell that's what they are thinking.)
13. Times that I failed my kids.
14. Living in a small condo for the 9 months our house was under construction.
15. Depression
16. Fighting with Mallory
17. Watching my son drive off in a car without me.
18. Not being able to keep my kids from being hurt, even at church.
19. I-pods in my kids ears in the car.
20. Watching my daughter having her heart broken.
21. Leaving Steven at college when I know he wanted to get back in the car and come home.
22. Watching my teenage kids make choices that hurt them, and knowing I can't do anything about it.
23. Regrets that I wished that they would grow up.
24. Hurting because they are grown up and I can never get the time I wished away back.
25. Feeling like I can't get "it" right.
26. Watching my kids struggle with their faith in God and their relationship with the church.
Things I enjoy now at this time in my life:
1. Not needing a babysitter.
2. Having time to do what I want to do, when I want to do it.
3. Watching Mallory on stage.
4. Watching Steven learning to be responsible for himself.
5. Going to the shore...alone.
6. Reading books all year, not just on vacation.
7. Feeling like I've grown as a person.
8. Growing flowers.
9. Feeding the birds.
10. Having time to write a blog.
11. Friends that I can depend on.
12. A great marriage.
13. Special times when the four of us are together.
14. Mallory still calls me "Mommy" sometimes.
15. Mallory and I have a relationship I wasn't sure we'd ever have.
16. Hugs from my son who is much bigger than I am now.
17. Talking about the future with Dave.
18. Seeing how well mannered and helpful and giving my children can be.
19. Watching my kids take satisfaction in a job well done.
20. Watching my kids accomplish things they want to, and things they didn't know that they could.
21. The moments I feel that I got at least some of "it" right.
22. Eating breakfast on the deck in the summer.
23. Hot tea and cookies in the winter.
24. Having a good relationship with all 3 of my parents.
25. Knowing that no matter how bad things have ever been, my parents, siblings, andI have stuck together.
26. Doing ministry work at my church.
27. I drive something other than a mini-van now.
28. Being sure of who God is.
29. Being sure that I belong to Him.
30. Knowing (sometimes) when to get out of the way and let God do His will.
31. That Steven and Mallory are very close.
Things I hope for and look forward to in the future:
1. Traveling with Dave.
2. Finding a new identity as something other than "full time mom."
3. The hope that someday I'll be able to "look back and laugh" and wonder why I was so worried.
4. Watching my own children parent their children, and hopefully have some wisdom to offer if and when they ask.
5. Continued spiritual growth.
6. Less house cleaning!
7. Not being held captive by my monthly cycle.
8. Not losing sleep waiting to hear a child come home when curfew is after my bedtime.
9. My 50th Wedding Anniversary.
10. Heaven
If you've read this far, thank you for indulging me. And I'm sorry if I send any of you into the melancholy state I'm in! But if I have, please feel free to comment back with some of your thoughts.
Please pause the playlist and take a few minutes to watch this video clip. This one of my favorite songs...Chris Rice, "Life Means So Much." I haven't been able to get the song for the playlist. But for this post it's a must have.
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